Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Just a thought

We’re at a lake. Near a boat ramp. We don’t have a boat so I have no idea whether this is typical but the wrong sort of people are certainly attracted to the boat ramp today. The smoke blowing, obesing, personal watercraft noising, dog off-leashing, fake southern accenting type of people.

It’s a really nice day. Our picnic blanket is spread on a grassy slope. The kids are occupied. We’ve just had a nice sunny-spot kiss. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” “Probably not.” She rarely is.

What am I thinking? I’d really like to get it on here and now with my beautiful sweetie in this beautiful (and comfortable) spot on this beautiful day. So what if some boat-rampers might notice and take some sort of misplaced offense? I can’t imagine they’d come over and bitch about it to us. If we can turn a blind eye to their off-leashing and their smoke, surely they can turn a blind eye to us?

But it doesn’t get any further than a thought.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Something forgotten, something remembered

Strangely, I forgot something from yesterday morning's episode. Something I really like. At some point while we were doing it, we were telling each other our dreams. But like most dreams, they've now slipped away. I don't know why I like talking during sex so much. But I do. Maybe it reminds me of talking while we're holding hands on a walk.

I remember the first time we held hands. I was taking River to see the ballet. I didn't even know how much she enjoys dance. I just lucked out. She was wearing a nice dress, and her heels made her taller than usual. We held hands as we walked from the car to the theater. Maybe I could have expected more from a ballet date, but we were falling in love the old-fashioned way. And I'm glad we did.

Monday, August 15, 2011

River on random

River is surprisingly on board with the schedule; she’s even put our dates on her calendar and reminded me. As if I’d forget. She appreciates knowing what’s coming up since she’s got a lot of studying and school to fit in. She’s read how I like random, including Natasha’s positive comments on having a schedule.

But I still feel like I’m in charge of sex. Because I’m the one who’s always walking over to her desk, picking up the die, and offering it to her to roll. At least she thinks about it. Occasionally. It briefly crosses my mind to just wait for her get us to roll instead of always doing it myself. But that would be as stupid as waiting for her to initiate. That kind of thing never has a happy ending in a relationship.

So I ask her how it’s going for her. “It’s not good or bad yet. We haven’t done it long enough.” “That sounds better than the old way.” “It does?” “The old way definitely wasn’t working for you. You complained about it.” “I did?” Sometimes I think she does have a twin sister who I’m talking with half the time. “Yes, that’s why we’re trying this new way.” “It’s working for you, breaking the rules.” “It was your suggestion to break the rules.” “It was?” She’s definitely the other sister tonight. “Not those particular times, but in general. When we wanted to.”

Now I’m really not sure what’s going on. I guess we do have to keep on it for a while. But I don’t like the resurrection of me being in charge of sex. So, of course, I talk to her about it, making sure she knows that not being in charge of sex is one of the four things that seem to be contributing to my better mood of late. She’ll try to help share the responsibility.

So tonight we roll again. She makes me roll first. “What are we rolling for?” “Tonight.” Believe it or not it’s too soon since the last time for me. Which is why I waited an extra day or two to roll at all. But what are the odds of rolling a one? Five to one. I'll take those odds. I roll. And it’s a one. “Uh oh. I was hoping that wouldn’t happen.” “You’re not going to roll and get what you get?” “Not this time.” So she rolls for tomorrow morning. A six. Since it’s a morning, that means roll again. Another six. Roll again. Six again. Another roll. And it’s a one. Tomorrow morning.

Friday, August 12, 2011

The problem

“I have to be honest.” Honest is good. “I don’t really like your problem.” River goes on to say that with neither of us having an orgasm it seems kind of pointless and mechanical. Even when she doesn’t come herself, she enjoys my orgasms vicariously and gets satisfaction and closure. Maybe that’s why she’s always so amenable to finishing later when I don’t come. It’s good for her, too.

This gives her more insight into why it bothers me that she doesn’t orgasm very often lately. I don’t get to enjoy her orgasm if she doesn’t have one. And I do enjoy them.

I explain that my take on the problem is entirely different. Last night felt really equitable with neither of us coming. It often bothers me that I get to bang away and hold off and prolong the action and then when I come that’s pretty much the end. Except for the afterfuck. She doesn’t get much say on when we finish. I get a nice orgasm and she gets to drip. Although she does get the vicarious enjoyment.

And now that I’ve been on her side of the fence I totally understand the point she’s often made that she doesn’t have to orgasm to enjoy it. Neither do I. We agree that it’s still intimate and bonding.

But I’m worried. Sex being pointless without orgasms is reminding me of her saying that foreplay-type activities are pointless without fucking. That’s part of what precipitated our long dry spell, a year and a half of no sex, and me hardly looking at River’s hot body. Even though I loved her the whole time.

So I talk to her about it. I always do now. I’ve learned my lessons. At least some of them. And she assures me we’ll have a great sex life even while the problem persists. Even without orgasms. And I tell her I want to give her the most amazingly endless fuck in the orgasm she’s ever had.

Friday, July 29, 2011

I like random

I think this random schedule thing is working out pretty well. Despite not following it strictly. Which I think was part of the idea all along. It strains my perfectionist ways and my honor not to be strict. But rules were made to be broken. Especially these rules,

So what's to like? I feel more relaxed, calm, happy, and satisfied, not having to be in charge of sex so much. Knowing it will happen and I won’t have to make it happen. And always having something definite to look forward to.

I was worried I wouldn’t be as flirty and affectionate as before. But of course I am. Maybe even more so, since River can be sure I don’t have ulterior motives. Even though I do.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Conversations and showers

River and I had a nice day yesterday. Took a lunch break together at our usual spot. Today I’m a little sensitive about bothering River for sex. There are times when she’s not bothered, and times when I can be too much. We’ve decided it’s usually better if I err on the side of too much. But not too too much. And how can I know where the line is at any given time unless I cross it?

So I bother a little bit, even though I know River well enough (in part because in some ways she’s a little like me, or how I used to be, about other people’s ideas) to know it’s not going to happen this afternoon. Unless she surprises me, which happens sometimes. My surprising sweetie, I call her. I have to be myself, and she knows that. If I’m retreating too far, I’m not being myself and that’s a bad path to go down. And I know I have to let her be herself, too. I don’t want to ruin her. We’re damn near perfect together.

She’s in bed before ten. Doesn’t have to get up until seven thirty. We had a nice day. She had a productive week. She knows what I’m thinking. But she didn’t get a good sleep last night and I respect her efforts to catch up. Even though she’s told me her mom recommended a nice orgasm as a sleep aid. Her mom was an inspiration to me, in more ways than that.

She snuggles on me. “You never get tired of snuggling. You’ll snuggle every night. We just snuggled this morning. But doing it . . . there’s a line somewhere in between.” For me, holding hands, hug, kiss, snuggle, fuck, there’s no line, it all comes from the same place. If I want to hold hands, or hug, or kiss, or snuggle, and I do want all of those things, I want to fuck, too. We can’t always fuck when we’re hugging and kissing and our parts are responding while we’re out for a walk (well, we could), but here we are in bed. “It’s the line of a girl who doesn’t want to get sick of sex.” She doesn’t get sick of snuggling. So what’s different about sex? “It takes energy and creativity. And time. I drip all day afterwards.” I know she just threw that in to be humorous. It’s one of my things: I get to have a nice orgasm, she gets to drip all day. “For years I’ve used the line ‘I’ll do all the work’. You can leave the creativity to me. We can use condoms or pull out for drippage. Time is a matter of priorities and scheduling.” Our usual situation: her with reasons why not, me trying to find ways to make it work. She can make so many other things work. She’s amazing that way. “I guess there’s only one logical explanation: you get more out of it than I do.” “You get more out of food than I do, but I eat every day.” I may get more out of snuggling than she does, too, but she doesn’t get tired of that. She even initiates. A lot.

That’s enough talk. It’s a nice conversation. It should stay a nice conversation. For me, sometimes talking is as good as doing it, and River knows that. Another way to connect and be intimate. We’ve always talked. If we didn’t, how would we ever know each other? Talking and fucking at the same time, well that’s the ultimate.




In the morning I snuggle on her while she slowly wakes up. Both hands on her hip. My cock barely touching her. It starts to stiffen of its own volition. Ok, I help a little bit. Thinking thoughts. Moving against her. Squeezing my legs together. River never minds me enjoying myself on her like this. Even dry humping in spoons with my cock on her vulva. But now isn’t the time. I mostly keep my erection to myself this morning.

“Good morning.” “Good morning.” She gets up and goes to the shower. I’m still hard. Not as hard as I used to get. But hard enough. By the time I’ve followed her down the hall to the bathroom my erection has flagged a bit but it’s still pretty apparent. Get in the shower with her. As usual. And it’s not unusual for me to join her semi-erect. Before the ED set in, it wouldn’t take much to get me fully erect in the shower with River. I could even jack off in the anti-slippery of the water. This time I’ve got a bit more in mind.

River watches while I stroke my cock, pulling outwards from the base, my thumb on top. Still just about ninety degrees of erection. “If you’ve got one, you might as well play with it.” “I think that’s a quote.” “From where?” “Something I said.”

Can I wash my hair with one hand? I picture myself squeezing the shampoo right onto my head while I jack off with the other hand. I think of asking River to help while my hands are busy. But I let go while I quickly wash and rinse my hair.

When I’m finished I haven’t lost that much ground. I jack some more while I watch River wash herself. I’ve said it all before. Trim body. Compact tits. Silly mohawk of a bush. Perfect ass. Cute face. Happy face. She must not have slept too badly. I jack faster, just the head. The continuous stimulation works better. “Water is the opposite of slippery.” “What can we do about that?” She said “we”. Soap is right out. I discovered at a young age that it can make my slit burn for hours afterwards. And she wouldn’t want it inside her, either. “The silicone stuff doesn’t seem to wash off.” But it makes me feel like an industrial appliance. “Oil maybe.” We’ve even talked about leaving some in the shower. But all the lube is in the bedroom. There used to be astroglide in the bathroom cabinet but it wasn’t there last time I needed it. And it washes off.

“Maybe some of my natural lubrication.” She leans forward and I reach under her ass, feel her flaps, feel her lips spread apart, feel the wet opening of her pussy, fit my cock to it, push. But water is the opposite of slippery, and my cock isn’t the opposite of hard but it’s a bit spongy. River bends over further, puts a hand on the front wall, reaches underneath for my cock, does whatever it is she does to help, and with a bit of effort we get it in halfway. Enough to get harder. Enough to spread her juice around. Enough to fuck.

“Nice sounds.” Glorious wet sploshy sounds with every thrust, the water streaming down her back, accumulating in her crack, and being forcefully ejected onto her ass as I bang into her. “Can you feel the splash?” “Yes.”

This is just what I needed. A morning shower fuck with River. As always the view from behind is breathtaking. I worry that the water will wash her juice away, especially with so much right where the action is, but there’s no sign of that. I pull out to her lips, feel the warm water flow over my cock, feel myself push back in through her improbable spot. As always, I don’t want to stop. “How long can you stay like that?” “Not too long.” “We don’t have to finish.” Even though I could. I feel an orgasm not too far off. If I let it. “You won’t have to drip all day.” “There are always panty liners.” A few more easy thrusts, a few more happy thoughts, then I reach around for River’s tits and stand her up against me.

Just before I pull out, the bathroom door opens. It’s Brook. The offspring most likely to walk in on us. Although we usually have more warning. She’s in for her morning pee. Probably doesn’t notice anything through the mostly clear plastic shower curtain. Just mom and dad showering, as usual. But I pull out and hide my erection behind River. “Good timing.” I wonder what it’s going to be like for clothing-agnostic Brook when she realizes that not everybody walks around their house naked occasionally, and moms and dads don’t always shower together, or even like each other as much as River and I do. I hope we’re being positive role models. Hope she doesn’t look back on things one day and think OMFG. But River and I have a great relationship. How could we not be good role models?

I join River in our rooom after we’re dry. “I could have come. But I wanted to save it for a more meaningful time.” “That’s sweet.” I wonder if that’s a clue about how River feels about sex? She’d rather save it for the more meaningful times? I’ll have to ask.

Then I feel the characteristic tickle at the opening of my urethra. When I reach into my pants the tip of my cock is slippery. “I’m the one who’s going to be dripping all day.”

Monday, April 25, 2011

Epilogue

“So what did you think of Thursday?” “It didn’t do much for me. It doesn’t hit any of my sexual spots. But I didn’t mind.” “Didn’t mind? That’s high praise from you.” It probably puts it ahead of cunnilingus.

For me, it’s a strangely appealing, and strangely intimate, way to add variety every now and then, but River’s vagina doesn’t have much in the way of competition. Her butt is a pale imitation.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Prologue

The most commonly clicked tag on this blog is “anal”. Why is that? Not because it comes first alphabetically. It doesn’t. So why? I have two theories. The first is that people are just curious. Who isn’t curious? I am. Who’s doing it, do they like it, how can I get my partner to do it, how can I get my partner to like it. Probably not by bombarding them with how everybody else seems to be doing it and possibly liking it. But what do I know. My second theory is less charitable than the first. So I won’t go there.

If you click on the “anal” tag, there is not much to see. Until a few nights ago, River and I had done one anal experiment. But even though this blog chronicles everything else, all it says about that night is, “We both agree. That was a fucking amazing date.”

And it was. I’ve re-read what I wrote about it. And the whole thing was fucking amazing. To me, anyway. It may be time to publish that particular piece of history. Or it may not. Somehow, the thought of hanging it out there and piquing the prurient interest of a crowd of “anal”-clicking lurkers and drive-by readers and people googling words they can’t even spell correctly just doesn’t make me feel right. Even though it was a fucking amazing date.

So I’m testing the waters here to see how I feel about it.

River knows I’ve been anal-curious forever. She made a video for me long ago. With a dildo. I can still picture it. “I know you’re curious about this. Do I dare?” And she slips it up her ass. But she won’t do it with me. “I would like to have anal sex with you,” I whisper during at least one intimate conversation. But she makes it clear that it’s off limits. Not because she’s had bad experiences. She hasn’t, and I’m glad for that. Neither of us has any experiences. And I’m glad for that, too. But I wish she’d experimented with me, instead of with a dildo. I am envious.

I’ve done my own experiments. River knows this, too. I borrowed her dildo. She knows where it’s been. I learned a lot. Learned about relaxing. Learned about going slow on the way in, and the way out. Learned how much I can take. Learned that for me it was the small movements that were nicest. And the naughty sensation of taking something as deep as I can.

We’ve slipped fingers into each other, once, while she was on top in reverse cowgirl. Occasionally I finger the outside of her butthole. Maybe push in a bit. And it turns me on. At best, she doesn’t mind. But she doesn’t consider it a sexual part of her. It's an unhygienic portal for elimination.

River worries that her butt will become her new vagina for me if we do it. I don’t think so. I love fucking her in the pussy. It’s built for it. It feels great, physically and emotionally. It’s got limitless possibilities. We’re a nice fit. It can take all kinds of abuse. “It might be something we do a couple times a year. If we like it.”

Then one day we’re having an intimate conversation. “Happy birthday. We can try it some time. When things are clean. And we feel like it.” Many months later things are clean. And we feel like it. Cunnilingus to start. River orgasms. We fuck before and after. We use a condom. And lube. I’m glad I experimented on myself. I take it slow on the way in. Hope she’s relaxed. Ask how it’s going. Some small movements while she gets used to it. Or tries to. Since this might be the last time we ever do it, I take the opportunity to push in as far as I can. It keeps going, and going, until she’s taking it all the way. I’m pleasantly surprised. I hope she can say the same. When it’s time to pull out, I take it easy, going slow, letting her close gently as the head slides out.

“How was that?” “Confusing.” “Would you do it again?” “Yes.”

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Doing it on River's schedule this year?

For the past two years River and I have been doing it on my schedule. Actually a bit of a compromise. It's a bit much for her, at least sometimes. And we don't do it as often as I find myself wanting to. I'm often ready to go the next morning but River rarely is.

So this year I've offered to do it on River's schedule. I've offered before but she never takes me up on it. She really doesn't know how often she'd end up wanting to do it, if it were up to her. She likes it when we're doing it, but tends not to think about it when we're not. She doesn't think either of us would be happy with her schedule, and she doesn't think I'd last very long on it. She's probably right on both counts. But still I think it would be interesting to try. I'd at least like to give her more room to initiate. Let's just see what happens.

She does say she wants to do it today sometime. I try to seize the moment. "Right now?" "No, but thanks for the offer. I sure like you." "When you're liking someone, it's probably a good time. And if you're liking me, I'm probably liking you back."

And really, that's the reason I like to do it with her so much. And do all those other things I like to do with her, and for her. It all comes from the same place. I sure like her.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Thoughts and conversations

"What a strange thing we do." "People overthink sex too much." "Maybe we should be more animaly. Wherever, whenever, whoever." "Sounds good." River has always been down on the whole puritanical thing of sexual repression and the bad it seems to cause society. Not like old societies where everybody lived together and would do it in a communal or family living environment.




"I'm thinking about you standing over me and dropping onto my cock." "You liked that?" "Both times. You have good aim." River never really thinks of things like that. I tell her I was reading somebody wonder how his wife could like sex so much, have screaming orgasms, and then not want to do it for a while. Maybe she wanted to savor it for a week, he thought. And here I am, the one who's savoring it. River likes it when we're doing it but doesn't think about it that much. Sometimes I feel like I want to savor it for a week, then I want to do it after a day or two.




We're at a beach park. It's fairly deserted. No cars in the parking lot. A misty morning. I remember our talk about doing it like animals. Wherever. Whenever. Whoever. We talk about doing it on the beach. If I came down to the beach and some couple was doing it, it wouldn't bother me, I'd be discreet. Pretty much the same with River. Doing it in a crowd, or being a spectacle, doesn't seem like such a good idea, but a misty deserted beach seems ok. We've done it on a beach at night, and at a lake at a campground in daylight. Today the stars have come into a rare alignment. A nice place, deserted, nice temperature, good emotional warmup for both of us. Yet we don't seize the opportunity. Why not? Stupid society. Signs here say no alcohol, no whatever, but not no fucking. So why not?




There's movies. Everybody watches movies. People actually pay good money to see them. And everybody's seen people in movies having sex of various kinds. It's not a big deal. Not real sex, but it looks real enough, and that's what counts. So what's wrong with seeing people have sex in real life? Having sex isn't like taking a crap. That's something you don't tend to see in movies. But you do see sex. And it's perfectly acceptable. We can kiss all we want on the beach, and we do, and we might make some people uncomfortable, we might depress people by being such a happy couple, but we don't care. Why should we or anybody care if we do it on a misty deserted beach?




And people are often not wanting their kids to hear them having sex. So what? Sex isn't shameful. It's not a secret. Mom and dad are attracted to each other. They love each other, I hope. It's why they have kids at all. We've done it with our kids in the same hotel room. They were probably asleep, but if they weren't, they were discreet.




River asks why I want to have sex. The same reasons I want to hold her hand, and hug her, and kiss her, and snuggle naked with her, and rub her back. I think it's strange that's she's ok with all that, never turns it down, but when it gets to sex she'll back off. She says it's like liking chocolate but not wanting to eat it all the time. Maybe we could do five ten-minute sessions instead of one fifty-minute session. I don't think it would be very satisfying though.




I read an article on the net saying missionary is not such a great position, and how vaginal intercourse gets boring quickly. I think it was written by a woman, but I'm not sure. Women tend to rate missionary pretty highly. So do I, but that was a recent revelation. I'm more sure that it was written by a twenty-something. If vaginal intercourse is boring I can only think that the people involved must not be very good at it yet, aren't very creative, aren't very good communicators. Hopefully they'll get better. River looks at a few sites and says there's so much information there's really no excuse for not having creative and satisfying screws.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

River makes me feel better

After that last one I was thinking we had a very physical time when it would have been nicer to have an intimate and bonding time on the balcony together. We should have just fucked. Is that how River feels, just wanting to fuck? My plan was a plan for the living room, but we were under the sky. River says we'll get to do it again. She had a nice time with the stars. And some nice orgasms. She actually likes the balcony. And she liked the speed record for variety. She even liked having a plan. She was ready for me to get hard again so we could follow it and fuck some more.

I was wondering how far outside her comfort zone she was. We were on the balcony. We were doing cunnilingus. And she was having her period. She says I'm sweet for thinking about her. She made me feel better. She's good at that.

We take a shower and I wash her hoo. Her leg on the side of the tub. Work up the lather in her bush. Wash the sides all the way back. Do the grooves between her inner and outer lips with the two-finger techique, one in each groove, pull forward to where everything comes together. Then down the middle, forwards and backwards, side to side, swishing around her opening, up to the firmness of her clitoris. "A little sensitive today." "Let's go do it." "Not that kind of sensitive."

Thursday, July 22, 2010

What makes River tick?

Every now and then I come around to the question, what makes River tick? What turns her on? Why does she want to have sex? I want her to want it more so we can both have more of it. Sometimes it seems like an imposition. Something I do to her. Of course I've asked. Her answers can vary from time to time because I think she's not even sure herself, and she varies from time to time. We both agree that it's good for our relationship, and our relationship has generally been quite nice since we started doing it again with a passion. There are things that turn her on and get her in the mood. Massage. Baths. Me smelling nice. But although smelling nice works, River is somewhat sensitive to scents so I can't do it any more. So what else? Hotel rooms. Hotel rooms? Now it's my turn to tease her about our bed not being good enough, and remind her that she was the first to use the word "routine" and wonder what to do for variety. But not just any hotel rooms. Sexy hotel rooms. Like the one we stayed at a while back. The mood lighting seemed to make an impression. We can still have sex in the econo hotel room we're planning on staying in this weekend, especially since the kids will have their own room. But it won't be sexy sex. What will it be? "Mom and dad sex." "Isn't that what we have all the time?" It seems pretty hot to me.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Experiment redux

"There's time to finish the movie and for me to do you." We finish the movie. "You did a really good job of maintaining me this morning. You don't have to do it again tonight." A smile. I think. With surprised eyes. I've seen that look before when I've done something outrageously right. "We didn't finish." "Later doesn't have to mean tonight." "Maybe in the morning?" "At five o'clock? This morning I had one that wouldn't quit." "I thought the random morning ones weren't so useful. But yes, if I can go to sleep afterwards." "That's the best part."

We talk about our experiment. "I'm flattered that you did that with me." "It was easy to comply." River's experiment inside the experiment was to see if she'd build up some kind of karma or goodwill so I wouldn't want to do it for a while. She did. Even though I asked about the eighth day. "I had to ask. Like all the other times." My hypothesis of mid-week has been confirmed. "Yes, we can do that, and I'm glad we did, but I like it better when we don't. The more sporadic schedule." To me it seems like we both got less participatory. River seems to disagree. Certainly she was always participatory, and I have to be or it's not going to happen. But she notes the times got shorter as we went along. But always sweet. On the 4th we couldn't start until after the fireworks. The day before, River was already tired. "But you found it in you." "Yes."

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Then your lesson for that night is to find it in you

River goes to art class. "What happens if you go to art class some night and you totally don't feel like making art?" "Then your lesson for that night is to find it in you." "That sounds like a good lesson." "It's one I learned a long time ago."

Monday, May 24, 2010

Of yeast infections and cunnilingus

We talk about yeast infections. River thought about the cunnilingus too, but assures me the yeasties are in there all the time, but can get out of control for many reasons. Sugar, moisture, abrasion. "Will you ever let me cunniling you again?" "Probably." "I like it you know. I like being that close to your parts." That close to River. "It's all intimate and bonding. Does that help?" "Yes."

"I'm sorry I'm not more into it." "You need to let me practice more." "Ok." "Do you feel guilty that you're so hard to . . ." "Not guilty. Inadequate." "We should talk about that." "Ok." First, I don't think she's as hard as she thinks. Second, she's convinced me she doesn't have to orgasm to enjoy a nice fuck. Could cunnilingus be the same way? A nice occasional warmup, at least. Certainly if she's lying there feeling inadequate or hoping to please me by having an orgasm then it's not going to happen. I've been trying to be sure she knows it's something I like to do with her, not a challenge, not an ego thing, and I like it no matter what, orgasm or not, just like she has her reasons for liking intercourse with me.

I do some research. Maybe I should go downtown and do a survey but I just check the internet. 3 minutes. 10 minutes. 20 minutes. 50 minutes. Varies depending on person, mood, relaxation, technique. 10 to 30 minutes is not uncommon. River says it sounds like she's about in the middle of the bell curve. And has the normal variance. I hope that helps her feel more normal instead of feeling inadequate. At least she can have orgasms. With me.

Muff diving is sort of a recent thing on my part. It's always been something I'd do, but I started thinking about it more when we weren't having any kind of sex for quite a while and I wanted to do something. Get things moving again or whatever. I came downstairs one day. "I've got visions of licking your pussy." "That can probably be arranged." But it never was. River was never that into foreplay especially if we couldn't get to the good part, it was just pointless fooling around. And she was especially not into cunnilingus.

I haven't orgasmed from a handjob or a blowjob for a while, they've just been warmup, but I enjoy them. I'll orgasm when the time is right. I like seeing the effects of a handjob orgasm. I asked River long ago about coming in her mouth and she said no so that was the answer and I've never asked again, I've always warned her so she can finish with just her hand. But we talked recently and it may be ok to try now. It came up in the context of things I asked her about and she said no to and I haven't bugged her about since. But many things change.

Friday, February 6, 2009

A visit to the urologist

I get a referral to a urologist.  Not the fucker who gave me my problems.  This one is supposed to be good.  But the appointment goes about like this: "Any problems going pee?" "No." "Any problems not going pee?" "No." "Do you get erections at night or in the morning?"  "Yes."  "When's the last time you did it?"  "Last night."  "Wrong answer kid.  Take two Viagra and call me in the morning.  I have to go now, I've got another patient to see. And your testosterone level isn't so bad.  Although you should have had it checked at 8am like all our other patients who we treat as individuals."  Then why is it off the low end of normal?

Everybody seems to think the ED is psychological or something.  Like I'm too worried about pleasing River.  Then why did my masturbation performance fall off a cliff?  I don't do that to please River.  River has never been anything but sweet and supportive. And she takes her own turns.

All I get out of it are some samples of the recreational drugs Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis.  But that's such a cop out solution.  I doen't like drugs.  I've already paid through the nose for a vasectomy and now I might have to cough up every time I want to do it? What is really going on here?  Nobody cares. Stupid medical-industrial establishment.