Near miss

The dice have been extremely insistent that we fuck. I find myself siding with River. They don’t control us.

They say we’re on for tonight. After being on twice yesterday, which worked out to one and a half times. Ok, maybe we’re on. Or maybe we’ll move it out a day. They don’t control us.

We go for a walk. “I have an experiment to try.” She’s so scientific. I’ll bring a lab notebook to record the results. See if we can get them replicated, peer reviewed, and published. “We should get out the magic wand and see if I can have one at all.” She's on the same med as I am. She's been having problems lately. Just when her libido might be picking up.

But wow. The magic wand hasn’t been out for over a year. That thing fucking works. Too well. It’s like taking a sightseeing tour of the Grand Canyon in an F-18. From north to south. It’s over before you even know it started. And the magic wand makes nearby TVs flake out so all the neighbors know you’re using it.

But really, it’s a worthwhile experiment. And brave. With the exception of the “doorgasm”, in which I got her off manually in under a minute while we were standing against a door, it usually takes her quite a while. And she doesn’t always succeed. But when she does, look out. I can’t remember the last time I gave her one. Close, yes. But I always end up letting her take over. I’ve got no ego issues. I want her to enjoy things as much as I do.

So there we are, talking about trampolines and extension cords. Even if we’re not on the same page, we’re at least reading the same book.

I let her study alone until it's about time.

“I’m tired. I just want to go to sleep.” She has closed the book. While I’m still inside it. That hurts. She knows what’s going to happen. It’s happened a thousand times, I hate to say. It doesn’t help that earlier today it was how not to tell me something. Summary: Why does she leave this stuff to the ass-end of the day when she’s often too tired. It’s a matter of scheduling and priority. It hurts being prioritized below random things that happen during the day. This is the year of seize-the-moment, we should have done it when we had the chance. Blah blah blah.

And it turns out she was completely on board with the plan for her experiment until she failed studying because of the stress of her new quarter starting. And maybe some irrational stuff thrown in. I can’t read her mind. She’s never been this stressed about school. She’s confident. And competent. I had no idea. All she said was the usual “I’m too tired”. Suddenly things are different. I’m in “how can I help” mode. “By not making things harder.” Now I’m sorry. But I'm glad I pulled out of my dive. That was a near miss.

This quarter's going to be the toughest yet. But I'm there for her.