Monday, September 19, 2011

Movie review

Last night River and I finally watched The Opening of Misty Beethoven together. I’d watched this when she was pregnant with Brook and I had a subscription to a place that was like the netflix of porn. Not because I didn't think her funny shape was extremely beautiful and sexy. It was. She was on bedrest. Which in retrospect may not have been necessary. Oh well. But given a choice between fucking and having a baby girl, baby girl wins. And presumably I'd already had some fucking or I wouldn't be in that situation. So I watched a lot of golden-age stuff and this was one of my favorites. It’s based on Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw.

We’re not scheduled again until Thursday. River has been taking advantage of the situation to tease me. And she likes it. And I like it. It’s like living with her sister full-time. Sort of. More on this later.

So we fire up the movie. We’re watching it now because we’d just been talking about dark movie theaters a few days ago. And this one opens with a dark movie theater.

It’s a bit slow. Porn had a plot back in the golden age. And they are on-location in Rome and a couple other places. And back then the girls used to have some serious thatch. Not as much as the guys. I don’t like hairy guys all that much. Myself, I trim. I’ve tried shaving and waxing but it’s too irritating. My balls shave up nicely, but River prefers them with some fuzz.

Thatch. Yeah. I like it. No bush, no girl I’ve said.

There are an awful lot of blowjobs in this movie. I can’t say that watching blowjobs does a whole lot for me. I can watch a good hand job, but the hand jobs are for the most part not so good. River does much better ones. They’re just jerking the guy’s cock at about 100 miles an hour. “They’re not even paying attention,” says River. Admittedly it’s probably hard to pay attention when you’re doing three guys at once. Two hands and a blow. It’s hard enough for me to pay attention in 69.

And there is thatch. I like it. You get some girl-on-girl bush-licking. Some of it is of the silly porn tongue-flicking type. River critiques the technique: “She’s not even finding her clit.” But there’s a lot of diving right in, getting the face and nose buried in muff like it should be.

And yes, there is thatch. The best scenes involve a nice thatchy snatch descending onto a freshly inserted cock and fucking away. I hate it when they edit out the initial stick-in. This movie has good editing, but there are not enough stick-ins.

At various times throughout I’m reaching over for River, rubbing her tits and nipples, trying to find her clit through her pants, finally just sticking my hand down them and sliding my fingers across her lovely bush until I reach my target. She doesn’t seem to mind, but I’m not getting much of a response out of her. I don’t mind so much though. We’re not on until Thursday.

She has an interesting observation. “I don’t think you’re supposed to watch this whole movie. I think you’re supposed to start fucking sometime.” Never mind that this movie was made for theaters, before home video. “Is that a hint?” “I think I need some viagra.” That can be arranged.


Anisa said...

You and your obsession with bush. Ay yi yi.

Reed said...

I voted for the other guy.

Natasha said...

LOL at voting for the other guy. Unrelated... I've always liked my porn written, rather than in movies. I'm not sure why. But this was funny.

Reed said...

Natasha, I hope you're not talking about my writing. It's erotica. The difference is the lighting.

Anonymous said...

No, not at all. There was an interesting conversation on Twitter re: porn v. erotica. It was interesting.

Anisa said...

Reed, you're such a snob!

Reed said...

I'm an artiste. The difference is the lighting.

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