Monday, September 26, 2011

Sweetie of the century

At dinner tonight River stepped on one of what we call my bombs. A topic that spins me into the obsessive black gravity of depression that's been a problem for two and a half years now. Afterwards I follow her down to the basement and we talk. We talk about how it sucks to have to avoid my bombs. How impossible it is. How I know she doesn't do it on purpose. Why that particular sequence set me off. How talking about it is my best coping strategy, if she would only let me. About how talking about these things can hurt her. (I hate feeling better at her expense.) About what do we do when it's either bad for her or bad for me.

And this time it's good for both of us. The best conversation like this we've ever had. And we've had a few too many like it.

We can't remember her exact words here. But it was something to the effect of "Sometimes you can be pretty bad. But not today." Did she have to swallow something to say that? I've been somewhat bad. She has every right to say so. "That must have been kind of hard for you to say." "It wasn't." "You're the sweetie of the century." And I tell River how just hours before I'd made a prescient comment about her being the sweetie of the century for putting up with me and improving with me.

She gets a no-strings back rub tonight in appreciation.

"I'm writing a sweetie of the century blog post." "Well that'll get you a kiss." Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. "A nice smooshie kiss. I'll smoosh your face right into mine."

5 comments

Natasha said...

You two are very cute. Hubs and I had a really good conversation yesterday. It was a challenge, but we pulled it off. It helped that I declared all difficult conversations should be done topless.

Anisa said...

I shouldn't have read this tonight. I'm so happy for you but so fucking pissed for us that we can't pull this shit off.

Reed said...

Natasha, cool idea, but it sounds rather distracting and I'm wondering if it applies when you're in the car, and thinking of course it does.

Anisa, I don't mean to make it sound easy. It isn't easy. For either of us.

Natasha said...

It would be too distracting to the other drivers and they would crash into us. But I'm not against it in an emergency discussion situation.

Reed said...

You must drive a convertible.

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