Thursday, January 1, 2009

What's going on here?

It's been three months since my vasectomy. If you haven't gotten a vasectomy, don't. Mine gave me erectile dysfunction which completely blows the point of getting one. I seem to be the only guy out of billions on the planet who's had that happen. Why me. I've had enough bad luck in this life. It is not supposed to have any effect on your abilities. Zero. None. I can tell you that's a bunch of crap.

Post-op I have to reach some number of ejaculations, about 20, then dribble my jizz into a little bottle and take it to the lab to make sure my nuts have been properly disconnected and the pipes have been flushed. Sounds easy. But shooting a load has gotten harder thanks to the ED. And all of my tests have come back with "persistent non-motile sperm". What the fuck. A bit of online research shows it is common to take three to six months to clear the pipes. Why the fuck did that asshole doctor say I'd be good to go in one month?

River and I expected abstinence to be our birth control for just a month. We don't have anything else at the moment. We pick up some condoms and give a donation at Planned Parenthood. But condoms don't play well with the whole erectile dysfunction thing. I lose erections putting them on. Even when River puts them on with her mouth. I never used to believe that could happen to people. How the fuck can you lose your erection when your hot sweetie is waiting to bang you? Then it won't stay hard doing it with a condom. I shop around for what used to be "our brand" back in the day. Birds'n'bees from RFSU in Sweden. Planned Parenthood used to hand them out. Nothing locally. I call the US distributor but they're way overpriced. Thankfully I find a place in Hong Kong and order a couple packs. What did we do before the internet.

The prolonged abstinence is a blessing in disguise. When life gives you lemons make lemonade. Our sex life moves in interesting directions. We both masturbate while the other watches and participates. I shoot on River instead of in her. River gets more oral. Inhibitions drop. Communication opens up. We like it.

Fuck the lab. We've got our own microscope. We do our own tests. Shoot a load, put it on a slide, and take a look. They weren't kidding about the non-motile sperm. There are a few little swimmers. But they're not swimming. We give ourselves clearance to go ahead.

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